


By the time you read this

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-01
Updated: 2008-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 18:03:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1753691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By the time you read this, I will be dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By the time you read this

**Author's Note:**

> McSheplets challenge #22: written words.

"John,

by the time you read this, I will be dead.

Which is rather unfortunate, and while I can't help speculating about _how_ I might have met my end—and sincerely hoping that it was mostly painless and perhaps heroic, saving worlds or at least lives—it's not the point of this letter.

I wanted to let you know how much it meant to me to have had you as a friend.

I never had a lot of friends. In fact I could go a step further and say that I merely had acquaintances who tolerated and maybe even liked me. But this changed for me on Atlantis and a big part of that change was meeting _you_.

I've never met anyone like you. And I didn't expect that we'd strike up such an—in retrospect—easy friendship. By the time I actually realized that you were my best friend, we'd been friends for quite some time. A part of me wishes I would have realized it sooner. Being with you and knowing that our relationship had some measure of commitment—for lack of a better word—made me feel comfortable and in a way safe.

My interpersonal relationship skills are somewhat lacking, but knowing that you could see beyond that and still want to be my friend was a gift, one of the greatest in my life.

I want to thank you for your friendship.

I also want to give you something else: a piece of advice—from _beyond_ so to speak.

I know that while we were close friends— _best_ friends—we didn't speak very much about relationships—romantic ones I should clarify—not that we spoke about other ones.

In the time I've known you, you've had a series of flings, but never a serious relationship. I can't claim to know the reason for that, but I want to tell you, it doesn't have to be like that.

I'm in love with you.

I'm not writing you this to get it off my chest (since I sincerely hope you'll never read this letter). I'm writing you this to open your eyes about a few things.

Love might not be where you expect it. And I'm pretty sure it's not in those women who fawn all over you at the sight of your smile—which they can't even recognize as fake.

Open your eyes to other possibilities. You have so much to go for you beyond your charms and good looks.

I don't love you because you're hot, even though you admittedly are—and I'm only writing this now, because I won't have to suffer through your smug look.

You can be incredibly endearing. You're a complete dork and smart and are caring even if you have a hard time expressing it. I love that you are child enough to have a skateboard brought in from Earth, but are responsible enough that nobody ever had to complain about it. You're stubborn and brave and you're so funny that even if you make my eyes roll, you always make me smile too.

I'm not saying that the right person for you should love the exact same things about you, but if they don't see any of this, they're not worth the bother.

You, on the other hand, deserve to be happy, so I sincerely hope that maybe my confession—such as it was—has changed your perspective enough for you to find a person who is worthy of your love. You deserve nothing less.

Rodney"

~~

John blinked. He was sitting on Rodney's bed, in Rodney's quarters. The letter nearly fell from his shaking fingers, but he held on to it and re-read the last few paragraphs, trying to make sense of it.

He was still re-reading, when a loud, angry voice interrupted him.

"How _dare_ you!"

John looked up to see Rodney's red and furious face looking at him. Rodney snatched the letter from his hand.

"This is _private_ ," he said, clutching the now crumpled piece of paper to his chest. "You can't just come in here and _violate_ my personal space like this."

Desperation hung in his words now, and John couldn't say anything at all because he still hadn't quite realized the meaning of it all. Rodney was in love with him. He'd seen it in black and white—blue and white actually—but to grasp the truth of it was another thing entirely.

"You were _never_ supposed to find, let alone read this."

Rodney went on after that but it had been enough to make John snap out of whatever had kept him immobilized before. If Rodney hadn't... And if _he_ hadn't... He was supposed to read this only when Rodney was—

He jumped up and Rodney took a step back, but it wasn't enough to keep John from pulling him into his arms. He tried to push John away with fists against his chest, but John didn't let him and managed to lean forward enough to kiss Rodney's complaining mouth.

Rodney kept struggling for a moment, then he stopped and moved his arms around John so tightly that it _hurt_. He kissed John back ferociously, wet and hard and needy.

"Don't think that I'll just forgive you for this," Rodney said when they had to come up for air. His mouth was turned down and still looking far too unhappy, considering...

John finally found his voice. "I didn't mean to break in. I asked you about the report three times, and then you said 'If you need it so badly, go get it yourself.' Your desk is a complete mess. When I found this, I didn't mean to read it, but I saw my name and that you said something about friendship, so I figured... I'm sorry."

Rodney took all of this in. "Okay," he said, looking slightly sheepish. "I might find it in me to forgive you."

John was pretty damn sure that some teasing was in order, since this really _had_ been mostly Rodney's fault, but at the moment he had better things on his mind.

"That's good," he said and kissed Rodney again, more gentle this time, slow and deep.

When he pulled away, Rodney looked dazed. He slowly opened his eyes, and John finally saw what he'd been waiting for: Happiness.


End file.
